


This will be more fun than any prison sentence has any right to be

by cutebutpsyco



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), White Collar
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternative Universe - FBI, F/M, M/M, and theon as neal, cheating (sort of), it's basically white collar, slighty mention to ramsay, with robb as peter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-15 03:51:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14151324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutebutpsyco/pseuds/cutebutpsyco
Summary: How the hell did the man succeed in evade wearing a fucking guard’s uniform? This trick doesn't work either in the most stupid comedy he has ever seen!Or where Theon runs from jail and Robb may be the only FBI agent who can find him.





	This will be more fun than any prison sentence has any right to be

**Author's Note:**

> At some point between yesterday night and today I decided to start a White Collar rewatch and I think: Neal is basically Theon and Peter is a Stark so there is the WhiteCollarAU! nobody has never asked for.  
> Slight mention to Ramsay but seriously it's nothing too hard and I can't write Robb but apparently this has to be write from his pov so I don't even know...  
> Nothing really belongs to me, the title is from White Collar itself.

“Stark.” He answers the damned phone even if he has promised to both Jeyne and Sansa he would have left his job alone for the evening. It’s the only day his sister is in New York and she will leave in the morning so it’s not like if he wants to dump their “our idea was a fancy dinner but Grey is part of the family and it’s not like we know fancy restaurants which allow enormous dogs in” dinner at their place. Though the moment he realizes the caller id belongs to the NY minimum security facility where the majority of the people he had arrested ended up, he knows he must answer. Especially because it’s the anniversary of the day when they arrested Greyjoy and while the man still has a year in jail, the fact that he had always been nothing but a perfect convicted scares the shit out of Robb for reasons he doesn’t really know.  
  
Of course, he works for the White Collar division which is definitely not like chasing serial killer as Jon does and usually nobody is a real threat even if Tywin Lannister haired some mercenaries to kill him and his team because, let’s say that a Lannister doesn’t always pay his debt, when these debts are with the government. But Theon Greyjoy had been the most difficult case he had ever worked on in his almost twenty years long career and maybe he enjoyed too much the chase even if he’s not going to admit it anytime soon. The point is that Greyjoy is… Well, definitely too smart for his own good and he also has a code which he brokes one day and the other but, at least, it involves also a strict "no guns" policy. And they have a sort of… Connection. The point is that when Jon Umber tells him what happened in the jail, and explains to him that he can't call from his mobile because they are still in the prison, hoping to find something which Robb already knows won’t be there, he wants to laugh and really hopes that this is just a joke because… How the hell did the man succeed in evade wearing a fucking guard’s uniform? This trick doesn't work either in the most stupid comedy he has ever seen!  
  
“Tell me you’re joking! Greyjoy will be out in a year. And I know his lawyer: she will obtain a reduction of sentence if he asks for. Why the hell should he run?”  
  
“I have no idea, boss,” Jon isn’t stranger to jokes but to include the jail rector won’t be so easy, Robb decides the moment he remembers what kind of man he is thinking about. “Doesn’t a creep have his girlfriend? Maybe he sent some letter to Greyjoy…”  
  
Which is completely a valid point but Robb has ordered to be informed of every letter addressed to Theon Greyjoy and the last ones he approved were mostly from some groupies of him. “Listen, I’m home, time to change into some appropriate clothes and I reach you. I guess it will be useless but we can question people around, maybe someone saw something strange. Send Alys at the Bureau and tell her to check the usual places.”  
  
“Consider it done.” Jon closes the call and Robb stares at the phone as if he would like to smash it on the floor. Of course, it doesn’t but he tries to explain the all deal to both his sister and his soon-to-be-wife while he actually gets rid of his PJs trousers and wears a goddamned suit he really wished to leave in the closet until Monday.  
  
“I should marry the two of you.” Jeyne jokes because they met seven years before when Greyjoy tried to sell her a false Millais which was genuinely good and the only reason she realized the painting was a copy was that she was good at her job. And at that point Robb has been chasing the guy for yet three years, trying to frame him somehow and, at the Bureau, everyone jokes about his “relationship” with Greyjoy. Not that he is immune to his charm, though. He met just one person who admitted he was not a big deal and the fact that this person is lesbian, Robb supposes, has a great part in the deal. His half-brother Jon had told him Greyjoy looks as a jerk but the kind of jerk from whom he would at least steal a couple of tricks with girls while Jon Umber did ask for them while he was questioning the man. Robb had plenty understood how good his moves are.  
  
He's in his car when his mobile rings again, this time the name on the screen is Alys Kastark’s one. “Hi boss, I guess Jon called you for Greyjoy.”  
  
“Yeah, sure! I told him I wanted you out in the street. Checking the usual places where we know he has some kind of fond memories or something,” _The dick can pretend he doesn’t have feelings but he does_ , he thinks but he doesn’t need to say it out loud. He trusts Alys enough but if she is in the Bureau building maybe someone could be eavesdropping and it’s not like everyone has to know he understands the dick so well in the first place, or why.  
  
“it might be pointless considering that he called from a hotel and asked for you. Apparently, he paid someone to book at Arya Stark’s name a room,” The fuck?! “I’ve just sent the address. He said he wants to speak with you and nobody else but boss…”  
  
“I’ll go… Alys, do me a favour and don’t tell where I am to anyone since I won’t be back at the Bureau.” When Alys replies that she will even if she is not even half sure that this will work for the best, Robb closes the call and leaves the highway which leads out of the city to reach the address Alys texted to him.  
  
The hotel is… Exactly what Robb has expected knowing Theon Greyjoy: big, fancy and in an ancient building and it’s not exaggerated differently from the most of the same kind which there are in NYC but again, he knows from where Theon comes from and when you have the past he has had and you can produce a fucking Raphael’s false and sell it to the Uffizi Gallery and receive an authenticity certificate from one of the most eminent worldwide critics your tastes are pretty picky and no way you are going back to what your life was before the fucking Academy. Besides, the place seems to have a strict privacy politics and only when his FBI badge is on the open air he succeeds in having the room number. And he hoped he could keep it down, he thinks, while he runs up the stairs. The first floor of the hotel vaguely remembers the Grosvenor Gallery and maybe Robb understands why Theon has chosen this very hotel out of every other one in New York. If he finds him reading fucking Wilde he’s going to quit the FBI and run with the man.  
  
He’s not which is kind of comforting considering that he really wants to marry Jeyne and the Starks has already had their good time of confessions on the altar with his father’s siblings (not that there is still someone in his family who doesn’t know that Robb is bi but the problem would have been explaining them why he run away with a man he was supposed to arrest). Though Theon is nursing a bottle of whisky of the worth of Robb’s paycheck and looks utterly devastated.  
  
“Robb Stark!” He says the moment he heats the door crack open. Robb can tell he’s smiling from the fucking tone of his voice and no… He won’t indulge on that voice!  
  
It’s soft and low as if he’s caressing the words and even if he’s clearly halfway drunk, it doesn't sound less steady at all and, seriously, Robb has to stop to think about it. Maybe there is a reason why it took to him almost ten years to get the guy and to know him enough while it’s not like he had ever do this with others. Of course, Theon has always been the best but it’s like if Robb wanted to understand the man, his reasons… They are not at first names base but the way in which Theon pronounces his surname it's a sort of turn up for Robb.  
  
“Greyjoy,” He says, not getting close. The man’s back is pushed against a pillar as if he’s trying to both hide and protect himself from whom can come from the main door. “How long do you think it would have taken to me to find you there when you used my younger sister’s name to book a room there?”  
  
“The point wasn’t to hide,” He sounds exhausted, again. Robb moves closer and feels immediately stupid because, of course, the man can have a gun with him. “I called the FBI.”  
  
Which is why Alys knew where to find him but… “Why?” He has to ask.  
  
“Jeyne…” He answers and, for a moment, Robb is really scared that Theon may have sent someone for his fiancé. Then he remembers who he’s speaking whit and realises that the girl to whom Greyjoy is referring is the girlfriend Jon Umber mentioned in his call. “She came at the jail, some days ago,” Robb reminds himself to ask Jon to see the videos of the visits Theon received. He nods, moving even closer and coming to face the man. “She needs my help.”  
  
Which… Well. Robb walked into the building knowing he would have been feed with bullshit but this is the greatest one and the last he can think about. “How escape from a prison can help her?” He asks, regretting it a moment later. “This will cost you another three years, at best.”  
  
“I don’t care,” Theon scoffs, throws his head back and takes another sip from the bottle. “You are here and you will listen to me which is…” His sea-coloured eyes run on Robb’s body and… Well, that’s exactly the last thing he needs if he wants to think straight and try to figure out how the hell he can help Theon’s girlfriend. He should also understand if she succeeded in running away from the creep who apparently is her ex-boyfriend and kidnapped her and Theon forcing the latter to falsify obligations which is the reason why he ended up in jail. The fact that he did what he did because was trying to help his girlfriend was half useless in court as far as Ramsay Bolton was like a ghost. But then Theon speaks again and, this time, isn't about Jeyne, “You were wearing the same suit when you arrested me the first time.”  
  
“Uhm… Classic?” Robb in the first place is surprised that Theon remembers when he doesn’t but well… “You were dressed in Armani’s clothes, though.”  
  
“And you ruined my tie.” Ok, Theon shouldn’t say that out of all the things because right now he’s thinking about tying Theon up even if this time he has damned handcuffs for doing it and can't use the tie as an excuse so… Fuck! Not that Theon was the one who found himself tied their first meeting but, again, no need to think about that right now.  
  
“You won’t need one in jail.” He tries to joke, though his voice is kind of shaking.  
  
“What’s that?” Theon asks. He’s no longer seated on the floor and Robb can see how spending time in jail hasn’t changed his body at all. That’s sort of reassuring. He lets the bottle slipper on the little table in front of the window from which the light enters the room and god… More than half of it it’s missing but Theon doesn’t look drunk at all. Of course, he is too smart to be still wearing the guard’s uniform and right now he’s wearing just a pair of jeans and a white vest Robb is half sure should be illegal when you have Theon’s body. And he’s not pointing at anything which will make his question mocking. He almost didn’t notice, at first, then realises there’s something popping out from his jacket pocket. In a pair of steps, Theon is perfectly in front of him and takes the small piece of canvas out of it.  
  
“A case… Someone good, possibly as good as you”  
  
At that, Theon smirks. “There’s no one as good as me. What if I tell you the guy’s name?”  
  
Robb’s eyes go wide, he’s aware of that, no that he cares at the moment. The other man is examining the canvas in the dim lights from the street. His eyes turn from blue to green and a moment later they are hazel, Robb is mesmerized as he follows with his glance Theon's hands on the small piece of fabric. “Why, what?”  
  
“Stark, I can actually see this case is troubling you and I may know the name of the guy which isn’t definitely as good as I am for the chronicle but he’s good, I have to give this to him,” He handles back the evidence to Robb and he notices just then that he covered his hands with the vest fabric before touching it. “I need something in return, of course. So, how do you dispose to negotiate are?”  
  
And the thing is, it’s not like they have any lead and if Theon knows something like the guy's name it would be an improvement on the investigation and, as chief of the New York White Collar division, he can consider Theon’s requests without that someone else must know. He nods. “What’s your price, Theon?”  
  
“A deal.”  
  
“I suppose Jeyne is somehow involved in this deal,” it’s not even a question. If Theon broke from the prison to help her, this would be his first request. “And your freedom.”  
  
“I know you can’t give me the latter, I’m not disillusioned, Stark.” He leans against the wall even if the room is full of places where he can seat properly.  
  
“So, what?” Robb has an idea but he wants to hear it loud.  
  
“Electronic ankle. There are precedents...”  
  
“You just run from the fucking jail, why should I give you the opportunity to run again?”  
  
Theon chews his bottom lip and… Well, this is maybe enough of an answer for Robb who somewhat succeeds in keeping a steady expression. “I needed to speak with you.”  
  
It’s a very poor answer, Robb knows, but it’s not like he’s going to tell Theon. “Ok… Let’s… I can’t decide for this without having consulted with the director of New York Bureau and I think at some point the director of the FBI must say something about but as far as I am concerned if you give me a name and we figure out it’s the man’s one… I will ask for the arrangements to be made.”  
  
Greyjoy is smirking openly at this as if he already knows how things will end. Then he takes off from somewhere a couple of whisky glasses and handles him one. And it’s not like if Robb isn’t in service and shouldn’t drink but his team has worked on this goddamned case in the last four months and they didn’t get farther than figuring out that the man is exporting Spanish books for reasons they can’t understand so a name would at least be helpful. Theon pours the whisky in both glasses and then smiles again and everything Robb can think about is that Jeyne is at home and they will be married at the end of the year and he shouldn’t think about the last time the two of them spent the night in a hotel room.  
  
“I suppose we should celebrate,” Theon says, simply. A moment later, Theon’s mouth welcomes his tongue as if he wasn’t expecting anything different.  
  
But, maybe, when the day after he wakes up and Theon is still there when he could have run away the moment he woke up and has ordered breakfast in the room, he doesn’t even care about the fact that he has something like ten missed calls from Jeyne, his sister, Jon Umber and Alys Karstark and once he will reach his job he will have to explain why they will investigate on Petyr Baelish because a fugitive suggested his name.  
  
But, for the moment, he can pretend nothing else exists out of the damned hotel room.

**Author's Note:**

> Say hi on [tumblr](http://staryjoy.tumblr.com/)


End file.
